Mothers of the bride have it easy; they were told fairy tales as little girls and retold them to their daughters. However, mothers of the groom were told the same fairy tales which have given them no help for their future planning. Because the cautionary tale is your are only the Mother of the Groom.
In this age of feminism all equality is thrown out the window because it is “the bride’s day”. She has been dreaming of being the princess for a very long time. Everyone knows how important this day is to her except perhaps the Mother of the Groom.
Somehow when the family says you will be included and they welcome your ideas, that is code for “make sure our daughter’s dreams are fulfilled.”
Even having a great relationship with your future daughter-in-law can backfire according to Dr. Orbuch author of the book “Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship.” The wife who feels close to her husband’s parents may find it difficult to set boundaries over time and may see that close relationship as meddling.
So my advice
Sit down you’re rocking the boat; so just sit down and enjoy the ride; your son will appreciate it and so will everyone else.